You are my sunshine Kurama
by ladyscorpio0088
Summary: My take on Shiori's knowledge of who her son is. I've always loved the relationship that they had, but I always felt like Kurama never gave his mother enough credit, much like Hiei/Yukina. Inspired by the song, You are my sunshine, with altered/original lyrics written for it. Anyways, hope you like it.


Author's notes: This is something that has been niggling at the back of my mind for some time now, and I finally have to just get it written down and out for all. It's been a long time since I've used the site, but I recently started to watch the show again, and I love the relationship between Shiori and Kurama. Hope you like it

 _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you…_

 _So please don't take, my sunshine away_

My son's hair is a vibrant red, as deep and beautiful as the roses that grow in his garden. When the sunlight hits it, it seems to glow with a life all of its own, and brings to mind lush jungles and exotic plants from another world. Which is fitting, seeing as my son is not human. But when the light is dim or fading … when in shadow, the vibrancy becomes dulled, muted. The deepness of the shade is still there, but now it is the color of blood, the pumping, pulsing, racing fluid the keeps us alive. It is the color that should have signaled my death when the miscarriage started.

 _The other night while, I was sleeping. I dreamed I held you, in my arms. But when awakened, I was mistaken…_

 _So I laid my head down and cried_

Oh my Shuiichi, my beautiful son, please tell me you don't blame yourself for that child's death? Please tell me misplaced guilt isn't the reason you fear to tell me who...and what, you are? That you fear my anger, or worse, revulsion of the situation life gave us? If it is so, I pray that the day may come swiftly that I may put those fears to rest. I was never meant to survive that pregnancy Shuiichi, nor was the child in my womb ever meant to live. The cancer that tried to claim me 15 years after your birth was already inside, eating away at my strength, weakening the bonds that kept both of us living.

I had always had visions my son, of things that would happen. Since I was a child, I would catch glimpses of events, some small and unimportant, others large and life altering. And they were never wrong. The outcome was never clear, as the choices I made during the event of course would have an impact, but the events always _happened_! And I saw my death, and the death of my child. Your father would of course try to sooth me, tell me it was simply fear of motherhood, fear of being inadequate to care for you that all new mothers went through. I couldn't make him understand, and perhaps that was for the best if it would give him the strength to carry on afterwards.

 _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you…_

 _So please don't take, my sunshine away_

So that morning, when the spotting started, I knew. I tried to make peace with it, accept my life was ending with some dignity. So I took a walk in the park, to see the flowers and trees one last time. I felt my child's soul slip away as the pain grew in my stomach, as the bleeding became heavier. As I walked down the path, I came to a rose bush that was just beginning to bloom, and level with my eyes was a perfect bud, the pale pink petals just beginning to open to the sun. That was when I felt you enter our world. You were dying, your energy bleeding away from you, but still you were so strong. Even filled with fear, and pain, and desperation, you were so very, very strong my son. And so very determined to continue living. That determination filled me up, and as you sought out any way to escape the clutches of death, I welcomed you into myself.

There was still enough life energy in the fetus for you to use to merge with it, and as you did, your energy filled me up and stopped the bleeding. Your energy shored up my failing body, driving out the cancer and strengthened my womb so I could carry you to term. I knew I would never carry another child, but I would live, and so would you.

When I left the park, every flower in the park was in full bloom.

When you were born your irregular heartbeat had given the doctors some concern, but since as you grew older it didn't seem to bother you, the concern waned. They always cautioned me to not let you overexert yourself, and I always had to laugh at their arrogance. Overexertion indeed.

 _I'll always love you, and make you happy. As a mother, should always do. But a time will come love, when I'm not able…_

 _To be there, to watch over you_

Oh how I loved you Shuiichi, even though you didn't understand what it was. I loved your coldness, your intelligence, your _otherness_. When your father died, I didn't expect you to grieve with me. I knew that your attachment to us went only so far as to ensure your survival until you were strong enough to be on your own, but still my love for you grew. I wanted to show you, to teach you that you didn't have to be alone. That you didn't have to be so cold.

And I guess I got my wish. I bear these scars on my arms and hands with pride Shuiichi, and never once have I looked at them with shame. No matter how you came to me, you are my son, and if given the choice to catch you from falling on that glass, I would do it again. A hundred times, a hundred thousand times, it wouldn't matter. To be honest, it isn't even a choice. I would give my life for you happily Shuiichi.

 _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you…_

 _So please don't take, my sunshine away_

And afterwards, you became… well I guess the best term would be, _obsessive,_ in your duty and love of me. I know the love and respect you hold for me is real, my dear, but guilt is a cruel master, and it is merciless as well. I was granted a reprieve of 14 years my dear, but even the energy you gave me wasn't enough to keep the cancer at bay forever. That year was so painful for you, and I am so sorry for causing it. I worked hard so that when the time did come, you wouldn't be left to fend for yourself. But of course, you had other plans.

Always so calculating, as if life was a giant chess board that you had laid out to play, and already you had planned countermoves to anything life would throw at you. I'm not completely sure how you managed to do it Shuiichi. What deal did you make that would let me escape death again? And at what cost to you, my son? It seemed to me that you had made some friends at last with those other young boys, but… the absences, the injuries, the ruined clothes? Of course, you had always healed so incredibly fast, but every mother worries. And just over 3 years ago, when you told me that you would be joining, as you called it "a martial arts tournament", my heart felt coated with ice. I was afraid to sleep for months, afraid of what my dreams would show me. The sight of your green eyes turning gold, and your red hair bleeding out to silver, will stay with me forever.

 _In all my dreams dear, you seem to leave me. When I awake my poor heart pains. So when you come back and make me happy_

 _I'll forgive and wipe away tear stains_

But you came back. You seemed damaged emotionally, even if your body had healed whatever physical injuries you had received. And still there was more to come. More was asked of you, when what you needed was rest, to sleep, to have some peace and quiet. But still you forged on, not once complaining. Not once asking someone else to shoulder the responsibility. Where you went while you payed for my honeymoon trip with Hatanaka, I don't know. But a rushed cleaning of the house doesn't erase the signs of neglect that appear after a time my dear.

These past 19 years have been a gift, Shuiichi. To watch you grow into the wonderful young man you are today, despite all the pain you have suffered. And after your last tournament 2 years ago, you have finally seemed to find yourself, to be comfortable in your own skin. As you walk up the drive today, carrying the bouquet of flowers for me, your eyes are green, and the sunlight plays on hair as red as roses. And I pray that whatever new visions come to me, that they will always show you to be as happy as you are now, with your smile as bright as sunshine.

 _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you…_

 _So please don't take, my sunshine away_

 _Please don't take, my sunshine away_


End file.
